I’ve had the itch recently to start writing again daily. To share everything I am learning, experiencing and understanding about life and myself. I really don’t know what I am going to write about as I type these words. I am just letting thoughts flow and hopefully I’ll find my groove.
My head has been bothering me a lot lately. Since the past few weeks my head just hasn’t felt normal. I feel out of it. Lightheaded, dizzy sometimes, but mostly pressure in the head, which has made it really hard to concentrate or do anything. Some days are better than others, but I am not really sure what’s going on. I know there is nothing major wrong with me and nothing serious is going on. I feel I am going through a really big transformation, an ascension phase. It’s as if I am growing and expanding at a rapid rate that everything I’ve kept closed or haven’t looked at is surfacing to the top – ready to be looked at and let go of for good.
Through this process I’ve realized a few things about myself, but the biggest realization I’ve had is how much I worry and how much power I give to fear. Fear consumes me! No wonder I am experiencing so much anxiety too. I worry about the littlest of things, make a story out of it, go into a head trip, freak out, continue to fester in this lower state energy as I completely lose myself in it. It’s been exhausting to be constantly worrying and feeling anxious about every little thing that catches my attention. My mind quickly jumps on every negative thought that comes into my awareness, and then I find myself lost in the swirl of darkness.
At the same time I am learning to understand what the fear is telling me. I am allowing myself to actually learn the gift of fear this time around, instead of just remaining unconscious of it.
Fear is a sign that I am not in alignment with love, that in this moment I have chosen fear over love.
I love knowing that fear is actually a friend who really just wants to protect us without knowing the full truth. The truth is that fear is an illusion, a fake confused little part of our being trying to carry the weight it doesn’t know how to carry.
I can have compassion for fear. I can see it as a well-wisher, instead of trying to judge or make it wrong. Most of all I am learning not to let the fear be who I am. Instead, I am the gentle observer, looking at fear without identifying as it.
This new understanding helps to calm my thoughts down, lighten up my energy and choose love.
Fear is the stranger here, I am already home.
I am already home in love, in light, in wholeness. Fear is just showing me that I have veered off my alignment to the truth.
It’s good to distinguish between fear and when something actually feels off. Fear always has a story. It’s always trying to convince us that what it is telling us is actually true by coming up with elaborate what-if scenario’s and stories, until we get lost in a mind-swirl and start to believe it is real.
On the other hand, when something actually feels off. It’s a gut feeling, an instinct without an explanation – no story. Just a pure feeling without any drama and dilemma. There is no questioning, just a knowing.
If you’re questioning, then you’re grasped by fear. You’re going back and forth between this or that…looking for clarity.
A knowing that something is off is always clear – no confusion here.
The reason I share this distinction is because I’ve been doing this with my head issue. I keep thinking something is wrong and go into a spiral of all these what-if scenarios of what could be wrong…all of which continue to make me feel worse. There is no clarity, just a lot of confusion because I keep trying to make a story out of it, thinking it’ll make me feel better when it doesn’t.
If something was truly wrong with my head – then I would just know. I wouldn’t have to guess or convince myself that something was not right. Hell, I wouldn’t even be able to coherently type these words.
So I am allowing myself to rest in the knowing that I am just fine, rather than the confusion of fear.
I am choosing to feel better, to affirm all is well because our body responds to what we tell it.
Feeling good is a choice and so is feeling fear. I can feel the fear without getting lost in it, all while still choosing to be in love. Then, fear is just a signpost pointing home, back to love – back to the truth.
Love is real. Fear is fake. That is how I see it, simple and clear.